20 days old.

B. says I need sleep so I’m not going to write this today.

I’ve been slowly watching a documentary about dolphins for the last two hours because I pause it every time the boy makes too much of a commotion for me to focus on it. It’s gotten kind of dull anyway because it’s testing whether dolphins have a “higher” form of intelligence, aka existential awareness. Awareness of self. I’m tired of everything having to be proved all the time; isn’t it obvious that they do? Just as it’s obvious that this son of mine is both of me and completely independent of me.

Today I made a resolution. When someone asks me how it’s going, I’m not going to mention sleep. It’s just a shortcut answer. But B. is now whispering at me from the stairs. I really do need to sleep.

But, how’s it going?

Well, it’s life altering, and very quiet all at once.

Off I go. It’s windy like autumn and good nap weather and I want to spoon with B.

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